Blogging is good for the soul. I posted that on Facebook a couple of days ago but I don’t think I realized how true that is. As I type this, I am hoping that my soul can shake some of the grief and sadness I have been feeling for the past couple of months. I knew something was up with me but couldn’t quite put my finger on it. I wasn’t myself.
I felt heavy.
I felt out of sorts. I felt out of place. Shaken up. Weighed down.
D.E.P.R.E.S.S.E.D.
I couldn’t figure it out…
Along comes praise and worship…isn’t it funny how God talks to you at just the right time??
There have been so many changes happen in my life! Some of them subtle and some of them M.A.J.O.R. but changes none the less and with most changes I can embrace them! Adapt and Overcome!
But these changes that have happened lately were of a different kind. These were people changes. That’s weird to say but that’s what they were.
Steady people are hard to find but I found some. When I say steady, I mean steady. You could count on them to be where you knew they would be. I LOVE these people. I had relationships with these people. When I would need advice about things I would ask these people and there were lots of them. Then one day these people were G.O.N.E.
Back to praise and worship…
I was praising and thanking God for my life and family. Not openly and shouting and raising the roof, just quiet to myself cause I really wanted to sing. We were singing a song that I really like but I just needed to thank him. Normally, my talks with God do not consist of a begging for things or asking for things its normally a thank you session for the things I have but this time I really needed this burden/this heaviness lifted off of me. I know the scripture “Come to me all you who are weary and burdened and I will give you rest” (Matthew 11:28). I needed REST.
One question: God, WHAT IS UP WITH ME? One answer: YOU NEED TO GRIEVE.
Grieve? For what? That’s when it came…
If anyone has ever had to break the news to a child about divorce this will be easily understood. I realized also last night that anyone that says this to a child is a liar (maybe not on purpose but this is not a true statement). Here it goes:
“Mommy and Daddy are getting divorced. Things will not be different. We will just live in different houses”
That is
so not true. Things will be different. Things will be VERY different.
This is where I was. I had gone through several “Mini-divorces”. I had people saying, “It’s not going to be different. We will still be here, just in a different place”….bologna! Things are different. Our interaction is different. Our relationship is different. My confidence in stability is different and it hurts my heart. It hurts my soul. Going certain places is a constant reminder that you aren’t here! And you know what? I am angry.
BUT, just like children that love their parents, I love my steady people (insert smiley face here). I still love them with my whole heart and always will. I will grieve; I will move on, my heart will heal.
I already feel a little lighter today. My heart feels a little happier.
I have done a couple of things to jump start the process:
1. I have asked God to heal my heart. (Rip off the band-aid and start over)
2. I have let these people go to be the people that God intended them to be. He is my stability.
3. I have made a commitment to myself to continue in a relationship with my steady people because DUH…they help keep me steady and are certainly in my heart forever!
4. I am SO THANKFUL for the people in my life. ALL OF THEM. The one’s close up and the one’s a little further away!
Thank God for praise and worship!! Thank God for his stability!! Thank God for thankfulness!!
